Author: admiral

Ingredients. Sausages, large x8 (I use tesco meat free lincolnshire sausages, they’re good and sausagey despite being vegetarian) Potatoes x8 (nearly 1kg) Carrots x4 (maybe throw in a parsnip) Mushrooms x12 (nice brown mushroom, I used chestnut) Chopped tomatoes (2x400g can) Big onion Red wine (or a nice dark vinegar) Thyme Ginger (dried or fresh…

It’s a common problem that if a serious woman is trying to do a serious job, the media are often pointlessly fussing about what she’s wearing when they would never do the same to a man in the same position. This is usually bad behaviour and journalists need to get their priorities straight, but if…

KitInBox. Pictures of kittens emailled to you every morning. Piss in boots. Updated version of the pantomime “puss in boots” boots is an angry drunk and tends to piss in peoples boots. Rumbo! Like Rambo, but he drinks a lot of rum Poopy pirate! Like pop-up pirate but the loser gets sprayed with faeces in…

A gun that shoots baseball bats wrapped in barbed wire I should just have a subscription for screen protectors for my phone Toothbrushes that make lightsabre noises Place where you can just turn up and have a go on various musical instruments. Walking dead branded cereal bowls that look like open topped zombie heads. Walking…

Get everybody on the planet awake at the same time Combat monopoly WH40K musical played by an Orkhestra Form a band called “Track title” just to appear contrary on spotify Have new years party at a more sociable hour like 5pm A rope ladder shaped like the alphabet. Small firecrackers inside tomatoes. Harmless but very…

A microwave that can selectively target different foods on the same plate Train painted to look like toothpaste and a tunnel modified to look like a toothpaste tube Transformers that turn into agricultural machinery. Include one that has little minion bots that turn into bales of hay. Big square shaggy cushions that look like bales…

Anyone that describes prices like “899” as “eight nine nine” to be shot A way of identifying smells via the internet Quare Tea. The Northern Irish tea ExploTea. Tea that crackles Market your floor cleaning machine as “The vacuum cleaner that sucks” Vacuum cleaner that looks like a small elephant Pygmy elephants as housepets Juggling…

A way of quantifying how fucked up a year is. 2016 may seem fucked up, but is it fucked up if viewed objectively? Coats for bears Hoodies that look like they’re made from lion and bear skins with the fangs and that still on the hood Tiny concealed headphones so you can pretend to be…

New police uniform, actual gorilla suit The man with marshmallow hands Jelly filled chocolate bunny Head hands. Hat with little mechanical hands to hold things near your head. Can also make gestures while your main hands are otherwise occupied. Worlds largest swiss army knife, contains a JCB and sherman tank Fingernails painted and shaped to…

Chocolate bank where you can put all your chocolate for safe keeping Cowboys that ride giant lizards instead of horses A crown that’s actually a tiny working helicopter Card trick where the card is revealed to be inside a loaf of bread Toast with jam on the inside Cheese with grooves in so you can…