Ideas from my brain

@8bitJayFitz

  • Ideas – May 9th 2025

    1. An app that can listen to a child screaming and determine if it’s having fun, in distress or just seeking attention
    2. A chair with arms that hugs you
    3. Lime cannon
    4. 3d printable wigs to easily get one that matches your hair
    5. Terrorist noodles
    6. An app that can preview the news and tell you if watching it will make you upset
    7. An app that translates the news “The US president has done more stupid shit” or “Vibes are off” or “Shit’s just gone wild, keep your head down”
    8. Pinocchio, but with big claws
    9. A speech to text typewriter, like an old fashioned clickety clack one that types what you say
    10. Votes for horses

  • Ideas – May 5th 2025

    1. Travel back in time with the intention of persueding hitler to change sides, but just spend the whole time calling him a dick
    2. The dangers of the spiders web roundabout in the playground
    3. Ever see two people having a conversation where they’re both talking at the same time
    4. Sounded like a Brummy doing an Eeyore impression
    5. How to get the self checkout at tesco to shut up – ask it what it thinks of israel
    6. If you have a YOLO tattoo, does that count as a DNR?
    7. A transcript is where you put the non-binary skeletons
    8. My car is an autistic projection
    9. A shoal shawl. A scarf made from fish
    10. New kink: Knee licking

  • Ideas – April 28th 2025

    1. Paw Petrol – A show about a 24 hour garage staffed by dogs
    2. Remake Cape Fear as an Ealing comedy
    3. Can a dog scratch it’s ear if it’s wearing a spacesuit?
    4. Hands in a can, preserved in aspic
    5. Whickers Whirlwind, a sentient tornado possessed by the ghost of Alan Whicker
    6. Crochet ninjas
    7. Miniature gardens on skateboards
    8. Bring back Saddam Hussein to be used as the scapegoat for all the worlds problems
    9. Update Guy Fawkes day, but it’s Saddam Hussein day and can be celebrated the world over
    10. In 300 years, some edgy comic writer can recontextualise Saddam as a misunderstood rebel and folk hero

  • Ideas – April 3rd 2025

    1. Is Yosemite Sam the opposite of an anti-semite?
    2. An attachment for a drill so you can clip a vacuum hose to it to catch dust when you’re drilling walls
    3. Online workplace training should have the knowledge check first. If you correctly guess all the answers, you don’t need to do the training
    4. Sewing machine on a bike, as you pedal, that powers the treadle
    5. Disposable vapes aren’t wasteful enough, you now need a vape bandolier filled with single puff vapes
    6. Train a bluebottle to wear a tiny top hat
    7. Have your bones removed and replaced with fluid filled tubes. They’re rigid enough to act as bones but you can drain them if you ever want to get floppy
    8. When cybernetic enhancements become common, I’m going to be retro about it and install a floppy drive in my head
    9. Remember that bit at the start of the matrix where the bloke buys a program off Neo. What happened when he got home and realised he couldn’t put a mini-disc in his computer?
    10. Political candidates get a fitness test and given a score based on age, weight, BMI, heart rate etc. The number of votes you get is multiplied by this score. This way, we could end up with the buffest government in the world.

  • Ideas – March 11th 2025

    1. A lost empire made of sand
    2. Many faces on a hand
    3. A postman who’s also a bee
    4. Standup comedy under the sea
    5. On the catwalk with a saw
    6. Knuckle dusters for your cats paw
    7. Peppa pig with added gore
    8. A TV screen inside your front door
    9. Using chewing gum to build a hydroelectric dam
    10. Ballroom dancing with Yosemite Sam

  • Ideas – March 9th 2025

    1. Magnetic post-its
    2. Fisher price butchery set
    3. Hatwigs. They’re shaped like wigs, but made of the same stuff as hats
    4. Standup comedy simulator. It gives you setups for jokes and uses AI to rate your responses
    5. Fonzies catchphrase is “ayyyy” this implies the existence of 25 other fonzies whose catchprases are “beee”, “ceeeee”, “deeeee” etc
    6. I’d have a gender reveal party, but what colour is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ?
    7. Conga chess. You have a whole bunch of people a nd a lot of chess boards. You make a move then need to dance to the next board and have 30 seconds to make your next move
    8. Boardgames at the club
    9. Vape that looks like a stick of dynamite
    10. Coats for tarantulas

    Idea that’s been done, but it took me so long to realise it that it’s worth mentioning

    1. A subscription service for milk

  • Ideas – February 18th 2025

    1. You should be allowed to take things from the dump. If someone can re-use a thing, isn’t that better than recycling?
    2. Paint that makes your house smell, but smell of nice things, not just paint
    3. Remake Rambo, but with a crab. Crambo: First Blood
    4. Film about a guy who tends to sick animals in Ho Chi Min city and he visits the US where he tells people he’s a vietnam vet and gets drafted into the local militia to fight the commies
    5. Film about a group of junior chefs who visit the US and get attacked by an angry vet because they told people that they’re commis chefs
    6. Pine trees are full of resin, could you genetically modify them so they’re full of honey or nutella?
    7. Carphone warehouse to be renamed “Our Fonz warehouse” and promoted by Henry Winkler
    8. Macbeth on treadmills
    9. Accurately textured replica of a human tongue, but huge. So you lay it on an armchair and go to sleep
    10. Fix the spelling of the word tongue

  • Ideas – February 13th 2025

    1. A Opera singing cow
    2. Tractor limousine
    3. Draw a sketch of the thing you’re looking for and use that to search ebay
    4. Disco robot taxi. You still have to walk, but it walks with you, playing disco and dancing. Can also carry an umbrella or fight off aggressors
    5. A joke that’s also a palindrome
    6. A movie that’s a palindrome. Halfway through, all the action reverses and it still makes sense
    7. A way to blow your nose without rubbing your makeup off
    8. A series of Edward Scissorhands sequels in which he gets various utensils for hands. Forks, spatulas, drills, vices, blowtorches
    9. A film about a tailor who has been the victim of a shipping mixup and has to try to make clothes using prosthetic hands
    10. A subscription service in which you pay a small fee and regularly receive packages that have been returned or undelivered from amazon

  • Ideas – February 12th 2025

    1. Pocket snake
    2. Build houses with round bottoms so that when the world floods, they just start floating
    3. Make jam jars out of jam, so when the jar is empty, you just heat it up and add some water to get more jam
    4. Magnets on the soles of your shoes so you can store them on the fridge door
    5. Re-edit groundhog day so it’s in chronological order
    6. Office dogs are old hat, have an office crow
    7. Partial refund on shoes if you wear them for a while and then realise they don’t fit
    8. Use time travel to take modern bands to play in old venues like the cavern club or take the sex pistols to play the grand old opree
    9. Slippers that are actually washable
    10. A little roomba that can gather your hair as it falls out so you can later make a wig

  • Ideas – February 11th 2025

    1. Barcode eyelashes
    2. Stargate SGU game in which you explore random worlds, gaining allies and resources so you can eventually defend earth
    3. Pearls that clutch you back
    4. Motorbike cover to make it look like you’re riding a really fast cow
    5. Take an old VHS tape and turn it into a really small handbag
    6. Lucky dip sandbags. They’re really cheap but some explode on contact with water
    7. Underground windmills
    8. Modify a lighthouse to project movies
    9. All buses to show in-journey movies
    10. There is software that allows you to download and print all of wikipedia. We need the same to transfer Netflix or youtube to vhs