Author: admiral

Ketchup and mustard in the same bottle, call it Kustard Or Metup Toffee – Half coffee, half tea, all caffeine Independent scientific research into the least annoying thing to listen to while on hold, then make that law The lion, the witch and the wardrobe, but instead of posh kids, they’re from a council estate…

What were the first insect ancestors to come out of the sea? Automatic sand snow shoes. You press a button and they switch between regular and snow shoes Gringo starr Trail running with trekking poles Why does Sponge Bob live in a pineapple? Deep fried victoria sponge Robot bananas Electric goblins Big net to catch…

Kithulu the dark lord of kites Comedy about a man whose wife brings home another husband one day, unannounced and now he has to figure out how to live with this other guy in the house Shoes that expand into snow/ sand shoes Shoes that keep out the sand App where you put in start…

Juffee! Toffee juice! The drink you can chew! Teeth covers to stop your teeth wearing down while you eat and stuff Little windup churches that turn into robots to try and get kids interested in the whole religion thing BATTLEPOPE! TV channel that rebroadcasts BBC TV from 50 years ago, in realtime, so in 50…

Why is a grapefruit called a grapefruit? It doesn’t look like a grape, doesn’t taste like a grape and there’s already a fruit called a grape Half strength teabags Is Predator the longest running movie series with no recurring characters? C.O.N.T.O. Citizen Of Non Terrestrial Origin A thing that pops up to remind you that…

Offences that will require re-education when I’m king #276: Standing in a doorway, holding the door open while having a conversation with someone, thus having to move out of the way to let someone through the door Double re-education if you then move back to the doorway blocking position Triple re-education if you’re not holding…

Shoot scenes to fit into a Friday the 13th movie, but from Jasons POV as he mutters to himself while reorganising bodies. “Hey look, a bottle of wine, I know I’ll hide in the cupboard with the corkscrew and then when one of those kids comes along to drink the wine, they’ll be all like…

Cardboard boxes that are designed to allow you to easily do that foldy thing where the top stays closed by itself Throw a fire extinguisher into a volcano A kettle that pours milk into your tea at the same time as the hot water Counter for “Number of fools pitied” Silent espresso machine Phone that’s…

A service to get pictures burned onto wood with some sort of burner/printer device A site that gives you a random positive affirmation each day that has at lease 365 different affirmations A cooked sausage inside a banana Tribute band where they play Commodores and Lionel Ritchie music on Commodore 64s A quiet cat litter…

Sticker for the bathroom door that changes colour depending on how smelly it is inside Frozen scrambled eggs ice cream alternative, on a stick Shoes that leave footprints that look like hands  T Shirt with “I R OPS” printed on it Rename the tube to The Londerground Caramel car wash Transforming cake, blow the candles…