• Ideas – September 6th 2016

  1. We finally meet aliens and they look like racist caricatures, like golliwogs or something
  2. Re-release barcode battler but as a smartphone app with procedurally generated pokemon type creatures
  3. When searching for a product on a supermarket website, it tells you what aisle it should be in.
  4. Peanut butter flavour ice cream with thick swirl of rasperry ripple and peanuts
  5. Chewing gum with caffeine or amphetamines
  6. Space crabs
  7. Macarena macaroons. Each one has a different part of the dance move stamped on it. You have to get them all in the right order. Winner gets to eat all the macaroons
  8. Stools for full size people that looks like mushrooms
  9. Hand grenades made from potatoes
  10. Inflatable light bulb

• Nightmare – August 28th 2016

  1. People, refugees (evacuees?) huddled in farm buildings
  2. Accidentally turn on a large electromagnet that causes the farm machinery to distort
  3. The russians camped in the building on the opposite side of the courtyard don’t like this and come out with guns, shouting
  4. the magnet is switched off, we shout for peace, calm down
  5. In the confusion over the controls, I switch the magnet back on, the machinery distorts and gets crushed
  6. shooting starts, I run
  7. I think “I’m brave, I’m the hero, heroes don’t run in movies” I turn around
  8. Some sort of high velocity bullet punches a hole the size of my head in a concrete wall, I run again.
  9. I remember my wife, I stop running and go to turn back, I see another hole appear and hesitate, I keep looking, I find her.
  10. We try to get out, running through corridors, open areas, hostiles (people?) not far behind
  11. A young boy is trying to carry his sister, she’s 8, her name is bebey (beverly? she can’t talk properly) she has a large dent in her temple from an old wound and something that looks like a small iphone attached to the side of her head, it controls her breathing.
  12. I carry the girl, she laughs, she smiles, she stops breathing. I tap the controls on the phone screen. She gives a jolt, takes another breath, smiles and dies.
  13. I try the respirator again, it doesn’t work
  14. Screaming
  15. We run.
  16. We meet a media woman (Yvonne Hartman lookalike) there’s a connection (does she know my wife?)
  17. We find people trying to repair a vehicle (a balloon?) we help
  18. Escape
  19. We’re in a hospital but on closer inspection it appears to be a repurposed cosmetics counter in a shopping mall. Maybe it’s a clinic for cosmetic surgery.
  20. I give Bebey to a Doctor (Ravi, izombie) at first he’s hesitant, this isn’t his job but then gives a speech about how this is what he trained for and tries to help.
  21. I realise the doctor is an android and wonder how he can stay powered in the current crisis.
  22. He can’t help Bebey
  23. We’re in a high building in a clean part of the city, in a boardroom where media woman works. Her boss (man in suit, looks like my old boss) is giving a presentation, he’s very excited about new markets that are opening up.
  24. He seems oblivious to the crisis, I tell him about Bebey, I’m screaming at him,
  25. We’re in my old house. There’s a piece of furniture I built. The current occupants have removed a part of it to make room and weakend it.
  26. There’s a man sitting on it, I explain that it’s not meant for sitting on and it’s weakened anyway. He doesn’t seem to notice. It breaks.
  27. I notice that his shoes are odd, then I notice that his right leg is really short and he’s wearing a very stilleto shoe which is mounted on a homemade prosthetic leg which is also wearing a very high stiletto shoe.
  28. I can see this because he’s wearing black but slightly transparent trousers. Otherwise he appears perfectly normal.
  29. The woman is very excited that we know media woman, this is very important somehow
  30. We’re somewhere with tunnels. Sewer? Drain? Waterpark? We’re going to meet someone.
  31. There’s some sort of presentation. A man we meet reveals photos that show that show that a man in our party was arrested years ago for (accidentally? in revenge towards the photorevealer?) causing Bebeys brain injury.
  32. Fighting
  33. Balloon?
  34. I wake up(still in this other world), thinking I’ve got a scheduling conflict, that two events I’ve scheduled in reality are both today, I’m distraught because I really wanted to go. I eventually realise that they couldn’t possibly both be today, go back to sleep.
  35. I wake up again. Wandering through an abandoned building, I meet an old friend. It was her birthday recently. She offers to cook me lunch.
  36. Lunch is an old foil wrapped ready meal. Some of large pop-tart thing with purple jam.
  37. I realise that although I had no scheduling conflict, I’d slept through the event I really wanted to go to. I try to phone the people but can’t get through. The phone looks like the respirator. I can’t handle it anymore. I break down and cry.
  38. Screaming

• Ideas – August 27th 2016

  1. Story about two brothers who grow up cutting each others hair, they become master barbers
  2. An elephant that goes to the gym
  3. Transparent sausages
  4. A fake dog head that you attach to the back of your dog
  5. Motorbike “wheel of death” on the back of a moving truck
  6. Attach big wheels to a helicopter and connect them to the engine so it can land and then race along (maybe stow the rotor somehow)
  7. Amphibious semi-truck (with trailer for bonus!)
  8. Trapeze act where one of the acrobats goes to jump and grab another trapeze, it breaks off the ropes, the audience gasps! The acrobat lands on a trampoline and bounces, twirling the trapeze handle like a baton.
  9. Detachable hand magic trick done with short sleeves
  10. Transformer toys that turn into practical objects like camera, headphones, desk fan or maybe a range of usb peripherals that transform

• Ideas – August 25th 2016

  1. Pterydactyl that turns into a wizard. Crest = pointy hat, wings = cape.
  2. Goat for president. Vote for goat.
  3. Every child to be tattooed with a spirit animal shortly after birth.
  4. Brand of biscuits called Mighty Craic.
  5. Taxi driver sequel featuring Travis Bickle trying out various other occupations, turns out he’s an excellent baker.
  6. A cake shaped like an oven with a smaller cake inside. You bake it and the smaller cake bakes while the larger cake is cooling on the worktop.
  7. Gloves with an extra finger that moves with your real fingers
  8. Guns N Roses guitarist promotes waterproof mascara. Slash splash lash
  9. Venetian blinds with happy/sad face printed on top and bottom, can display different faces with a twist
  10. Action figures made of cheese

• Ideas – August 19th 2016

  1. Movie: Hitler was my sysadmin!
  2. The finale of Enterprise shouldn’t have featured Riker on the holodeck, instead it turns out the Riker fell through time and has been the Chef on the Enterprise for the past 5 years and Troi turns up to bring him home
  3. Running capes
  4. Frozen honey sculptures
  5. Rabbit ears for fashion, but also functional
  6. Trains that walk
  7. Candelabcrab
  8. Sound effects in boxing gloves
  9. Fill pool with jelly, see how far contestants can skim over the top of it
  10. Surface “diving” suits for squid, with helium balloons attached.

• Ideas – August 16th 2016

  1. The shouting detective: Like Sherlock Holmes, but very hard of hearing and refuses to admit it.
  2. Misty hands: An affliction that causes a light mist to constantly hover around your hands, making everything you touch a bit slippy
  3. Line three burgers along a pizza edge, unroll a kebab to cover the other part of the pizza. Roll the whole thing up. Optional serving suggestion: Deep fry it.
  4. Banoffee roll
  5. Peanut butter and jam in the same jar
  6. A spoon that weighs things
  7. Donkey on the beach for donkey rides, but the donkey is also a drug dealer
  8. One stop site where you can find out about all the runs and obstacle courses and similar events that the public can take part in
  9. Remake old games based on the cover art
  10. Take a classic movie, or old episode of star trek. Paint out certain characters. Have the video with the different characters missing on different DVD layers so you can switch between them. Include subtitles with the missing characters lines. Movie karaoke

• Ideas – August 5th 2016

  1. Show about a band of adventurers (barbarian, wizard, dwarf, elf) and the evil sorcerer they were trying to overthrow, all transported to present day earth and now they work in the same office
  2. Clams trained to act as wallets
  3. Helicopter drumsticks
  4. Wiggle shoes that make you wiggle as you walk
  5. Wrist bands to automatically spray chalk on hands for climbing
  6. Hats with bonsai trees on them
  7. Jesus the cack handed carpenter. The whole crucifixion was an accident, he was just trying to make a spice rack
  8. Scary bunnies from space
  9. Giant toblerone where you can slide down the side
  10. Cadburys creme legs

• Ideas – July 28th 2016.

  1. All doors are to be lined with metal and opening the door starts a large capacitor charging up. If you go through the door like a normal person then the capacitor will discharge harmlessly. However, if you stand there holding it open while nattering like an idiot, you get a shock with sufficient power to cause a healthy adult to soil themselves.
  2. Camels that over-react to everything: Dramaderies
  3. Umbrella that looks like half an eyeball
  4. Frozen cider in a glass with 4 or 5 hollows in it. Fill the hollows with various shots, cover the top with a layer of high proof spirits, set on fire, wait for ice to melt a bit, put out fire, drink.
  5. Bed that does yoga on you while you sleep
  6. Chocolate fist. Use it to punch a wall, it shatters. It’s hollow and full of sweets which fly everywhere.
  7. How thick would a chocolate teapot have to be in order to get a decent brew out of it before it melted?
  8. Crownberries. Brand name for really fancy cranberries
  9. Frankfurter inside a bratwurst inside a salami.
  10. Big square pizza. Put hamburgers along one edge, then a row of onion rings, then chips. Then roll the whole thing up tight, starting with the burger side. Slice and serve.

• Ideas – July 22nd 2016

  1. Spotify option to play through an artists discography in order
  2. Memorial to all those killed in the troubles, consisting of 3000 odd figures carved in stone, all the same except for the children
  3. Oven gloves that can flip up and expose your fingers, allowing you to switch between one and the other
  4. Beauty competition that men and women can enter to see who is the tastiest. Note: judges don’t get to actually eat contestants, just give them a good lick
  5. Frozen salmon cannon
  6. A plugin that blocks all mention of PPI or PPI checks
  7. A way to selectively opt out of being advertised certain products. I will never need feminine hygiene products, drink gin or use gocompare, so advertising these things to me is a waste of everyones time
  8. Toasterface the clown
  9. Contact lenses for the minds eye
  10. Pokemon go but the locations of the pokemon are tied to tags on real animals like rats and pigeons

• Ideas – July 13th 2016

  1. Zombie elephants
  2. Repeats of quiz shows should have a caption with the original broadcast date to give you a steer on the right answers
  3. TV quiz show, format similar to Bullseye, but with ten pin bowling
  4. Sponges for hands
  5. A big list of motions put before parliament cross-referenced with the names of MPs and wether they voted for, against, abstained or actively campaigned for or against the motion
  6. Metal fish
  7. Guide to locations of off-road running trails in or near cities
  8. Evil monk that turns out to be a sack of potatoes come to life
  9. Ice lolly that looks like a corn cob
  10. Clip on pointy ears for every school child