1. Lap trays with removable cushions so you can wash them
2. Sitcom starring Matt Lucas called “Lies, lies and club lies” it’s about golf
3. Horror movie about a monster that lives on the golf course, it’s like a spider made from golf clubs and designed by Jan Svanmaeker
4. A helmet for the cat so you can’t hear it meow, but you do see a flashing light
5. The Little Screaming Goblin ™ the must-have toy for kids this christmas
6. Whale riding school
7. Install a switch so you can put yourself to sleep
8. Game Squid – It’s a squid that can play poker
9. Game Squid – It’s a large squid especially bred for hunting on horseback
10. Game Squid – It’s a squid that’s up for anything

1. When interviewing politicians, any time they answer a yes/no question with anything other than a yes or a no, they are to be slapped in the face with a squid
2. Breed extra tough squid that can handle being taken out of the water and used to slap politicians
3. Octopus onsie that has big plush tentacles
4. Glue solar panels to tortoise shells, you need to follow them around to charge your phone
5. Reverse continental drift, bring back pangea
6. Paris fashion show, but put the clothes on lions and tigers
7. They’re not even tame, just set them loose
8. App that scans all the junk in your shed and suggests a project to build
9. Every year, 10 celebrities get sent to antartica. Not to make a show or anything, just to get them out of our faces for a bit
10. Birds now need pecking licenses. There are lots of exams and essays to do.

1. Days of the week to be decided at random. So you might get up on the second day and discover it’s saturday so you don’t have to work
2. Lawn rental. You get a lawn and then someone takes it away when you can’t be arsed
3. App that alerts you when some food you bought is close to expiring
4. Rainbow moss
5. Wine gums made in the shape of lego bricks
6. Wine gums but they’re actual bits of gum that have been pickled in wine
7. Hot ones to start doing serious political interviews
8. British version of hot ones, but it’s different flavours of crisps, all the way up to worcesticeriece sauce
9. When the monarch dies, their right hand is amputated, preserved and put on a staff in the house of commons. The speaker of the house then uses it to slap the PM any time they start acting like a dick
10. Service that 3d scans your head and then makes a block of soap in that shape

1. Breadless horseman and the gluten free ghouls
2. Crossover episode between Touched by an angel, The littlest hobo and The incredible hulk (Starring Bill Bixby) where they all arrive in town at the same time
3. Mouth balloons to train you to open your jaw wider for people who want really big yawns
4. Competitive yawning at the olympics
5. Rowing bones. Boats and oars made from bones of giant animals
6. Ozempic Mick, the mascot for ozempic, he’s an anthropomorphic hippo with a skinny body and big head
7. Study to find out which bird sound is the most relaxing
8. Prisoners to be issued with pets, but they’d have to be naughty pets otherwise they wouldn’t deserve to be in jail
9. Pop rock group, all the band members are barnyard animals and they write their own songs
10. Reality show where the winner gets to go into space, but you do it in 10 countries, so 10 people go to space. Then you have another show and the winner of that gets to come home

1. Boney M to reform just to put out a series of banging disco numbers about increasingly dubious historical figures. Henry 8, Thomas Edison, Herman Goering
2. App that tells you when a scab is ok to pick
3. App where you upload a picture of a scab or pimple and people can pledge towards it, either pick it now or leave it 2 days or whatever. If you upload a video on that day, you get the money, otherwise the pledger keeps it
4. Soundproofing precisely designed to filter out babies crying
5. Mothman branded jeans
6. In fact all the cryptids get clothing lines. The jersey devil makes shoes and bigfoot sponsered knitwear
7. Keep the payphone booths but they just play tranquil music
8. Which times are times square in honour of? Just all the times or specifically 3am and quarter past 7?
9. Crunchie bar that crunches you back
10. Arran jumpers for snakes

1. Beetlemon. Like pokemon, but they’re actual real beetles that kids can swap and battle
2. Boot shaped lollipops for people that are in to that sort of thing
3. App that can check your blood and tell you if you’ve not taken your meds
4. Giant robot fight movie but at one point the robots have a dance off in the middle of the city
5. Giant robot fight movie, except they’re piloted by mice and they’re still only half the size of a person and they just get picked up and put outside where they can’t cause trouble
6. Manual focus option on phone camera
7. Everything that does stuff automatically needs to have a manual option for when it inevitably doesn’t do stuff
8. An old man that lives inside an hour glass
9. Add animatronics to the heads at Mount Rushmore so they can greet visitors
10. Engineer trees to grow into the shape of houses

1. Morality tests for animals so vegetarians can eat the naughty cows
2. Magnets in your shoes so you can hang them on the wall
3. Sink master: One of those “reality tv” competition shows like ink master or drag race, but with plumbers
4. Skeleton for mayor
5. In fact, all politicians should be pre-deceased, with their policies determined by ouija and tarot
6. The Marrow Tarot. You plant tarot cards in the marrow beds and when the marrows grow, you randomly pick one and open it up. The tarot card inside determines your fate
7. Portable beach. It’s a large moving van or converted bus, but inside there’s sand, a pool with a wave machine, screens to simulate blue sky
8. Transforming action figures of US presidents. Lincoln turns into a log cabin, Ted Roosevelt turns into a bear, Ike turns into a tank, Regan a weapons sattelite
9. Nursing home for retired stationary, like the hole punch
10. Aqua yoga

1. Belfast baps – bras/bikini tops that look like crusty bread rolls
2. A way of listing your pronouns as “I don’t care” but meaning “Use whatever pronouns, I don’t mind” not in a dismissive way.
3. The Dead Hand: Childrens board game in which they have to roll dice to see who gets slapped with an actual severed hand (comes in “Embalmed” and “Organic”) versions
4. Jazz pirates
5. A version of the Traitors TV show where the viewer doesn’t know who the traitors are
6. Slime Tube! A form of public transport where you get in a tube full of slime and hydraulic pressure propels you to your destination
7. Prosthetic trunks. The latest fashion, everyone gets a little trunk
8. High stakes yo-yoing. The yo-yo will explode if you don’t yo it correctly
9. Ice mice. A little pet for irresponsible people. The mouse will melt, so you don’t need to look after it for long
10. App that scans a nut or a bolt and tells you exactly what size spanner you need

1. Double Doom – Double Dragon, but with DooM characters
2. A map app where you tell it your home town and when you’re in a new place and ask for directions to somewhere, it’ll find a route in your home town that takes the same length of time
3. A pipe that’s shaped like a dragon and the bowl it it’s mouth
4. The Jazz Phone, it turns all your conversations into scat in real time
5. An app where you give it your shopping list and local supermarket and it’ll plan a route through the shop for you.
6. Disco Dalek. Looks like it’s wearing Travoltas white suit and black shirt, with a disco ball for a head.
7. Courtroom puppies that bark out the sentence. You still get the death sentence, but they’re cute, so it’s not so bad.
8. Shy Shaman. Does all the same rituals as a regular mystic or witch doctor, but in the other room where nobody can see.
9. A decent way to fix faux leather shoes and boots when they crack or peel.
10. All town centres to install a giant communal tamogotchi that everyone looks after. If the tomogotchi dies, the town is eliminated.

1. Tuskmaster – like taskmaster, but with elephants
2. Coffee shop that’s closer than other coffee shops, Cafe Nearero
3. Podcast about potatoes, Potato waffling
4. Sensible string, the opposite of silly string
5. Day time TV show where you get to judge other people’s houses, called “Look at the state of this”
6. Get a gyroscope installed in your nose so you can smell when something is up
7. I’m a rapper called seadog and I only rap about sea shanties
8. tiktok for chihuahuas call it. yip-yap
9. Anti-crease non-iron trousers made of stainless steel
10. Toaster that looks like a cupboard for mixed relationships