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- The Void – Like The Voice, except contestants are judged by an omniscient black void that can see the truth in their souls
- Time travellers kidnap Hitler from his bunker in 1945, put him on trial. But because he’s literally Hitler, you can’t find an unbiased jury, so you’ve got to travel back and select a jury from pre-1933 people. Combine that with hot-shot lawyer who spins a story about Hitler just being a patriotic figurehead and Himmler was the one who really came up with the evil plans and the jury finds Hitler innocent.
- Jam radio. Radio show about jam and listeners get a new jam delivered every Saturday and they try the jam as it’s being discussed on the radio
- Online recipe kit service. You go on the site, order a particular meal, you get the ingredients delivered to your door. You also get a podcast, it comes in two parts, one you listen to while cooking and one while eating. Some podcasts just tell you about the history and culture of the food, some are actual stories or virtual dinner parties at which you are a guest. Sometimes there’s a murder you have to solve
- Post apocalyptic Miss Marple
- Saw skis
- Bill Baileys barley bowling bonanza
- Barricade Obama. The ex-president bulks up and hires himself out as a portable barricade
- Hedge fund manager? More like HUGE FUN MANAGER! Actually, no, I’m miserable.
- Slap anyone that uses the word “optics” to mean “appearance” and tell them to just use “appearance”
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- Use dye to “paint” logos onto icebergs
- Smiley face ninja stars
- Train bees to work together to lift small parcels for a very buzzy delivery service.
- Lizards reading the news
- A superhero team that’s also a gospel choir, they turn up to crimes and sing the criminals into submission
- A magnetic wrist bracelet for keeping small change handy
- Replace gift labels with trivial pursuit cards. You don’t get the questions right, no present for you.
- Collapsible yoga brick
- The ancient martial art of haribo
- “Far west” a tv show about cowboys that travel west, fight ninjas in japan and kung-fu monks in china
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- Common cold face mask. Has separate compartments for mouth and nose. Mouth compartment has a virus UV filter so you can go out in public without spreading the illness. Nose compartment has tubes that connect to a snot reservoir so you don’t have to worry about constantly wiping the snot with a tissue
- The humble telescope. Like the hubble telescope, but it downplays all the cool stuff it sees
- The man with the telescope eyes. 1960s spy drama, but the lead has 24 inch telescopes for eyes and can’t see anything nearby
- Train hawks to bring you cheese
- Weaponised trains: Angle the rails like a ramp that can launch the train into an enemy city.
- Travel back in time and supply cavemen with DM boots to confuse the heck out of archeologists
- Archeoptryxologist. A really smart bird/dinosaur hybrid with a monocle and possibly a deerstalker hat.
- Place GPS trackers on icebergs, give them silly names, place bets on them like giant, frozen horse races.
- Same with ice shelves about to calve
- Barney the barnacle and his boisterous pals.
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- Instead of actual miniature shirts, ankle cuffs. Clip on cuffs with a bit of sleeve attached to be worn with the shorter trouser. Gives the effect that your shirt has 4 sleeves, 2 for your arms and 2 for your legs
- Brian May, Cosmic avenger. Uses his knowledge of astrophysics to find portals to other realms, seeks out injustice and resolves issues with extended guitar solos
- Repackage mini jaffa cakes as breakfast cereal
- Combination hair oil and moisturiser, just throw it all over your head
- Real life 3D stick man, on the prowl
- Restaurant like a sushi restaurant with the food in little bowls on a conveyor belt. Except it’s not a conveyor belt, it’s tortoises and you have to eat what’s in front of you or be really patient.
- Angle the security gates at airports so you can easily see when one becomes free
- A certificate that verifies that the ads on your website are not shitty. Users can set adblock to “medium” and therefore get ads on non-shitty sites
- Traditional family photo of a mother, father and daughter in formal attire, except it’s not their daughter, it’s a gibbon.
- Man uses a brick of frozen potato waffles as a weapon while screaming “they’re waffly versatile”
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- All pranks to be reviewed by the prank review committee, they have three verdicts “Lame” “Just a prank, bro” and “Dude, that’s like an actual hecking crime, sort yourself out”
- Crime busting judges, in black robes and white wigs, riding around on mountain bikes, stopping crime with their gavels
- Mocker. Containerised platform that’s exactly the same as Docker, except it makes fun of your poor application design choices.
- Headlines. Subcutaneous LED display that scrolls text across your forehead as you speak, facilitates conversations in noisy environments.
- Slightly less wacky idea for the same, augmented reality app that uses a combination of microphone and lipreading software to provide subtitles in a HUD
- USB ports to recharge people
- Trick USB port where the inner plastic bit moves so you can’t insert the plug until you’ve tried it 4 times
- Start conflicting rumours about the new macbook, see which one gets the most traction. “New macbook to feature a jam nozzle” “Have apple gone too far? Next gen macbooks won’t even have a jam nozzle”
- Design and sell off-brand jam nozzles, claim they’re $30 cheaper than the apple version, see how many you can sell. Actually, make it a kickstarter
- Ankle shirts. With the increasing fashion for shorter trousers, there’s a gap opening in the market for little tiny shirts that fit around your ankles, complete with collars and sleeves. Long sleeves would probably be pinned to the sides rather than flapping about. All the famous shirt makers could replicate their brand in miniature.
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- Wildlife programmes edited so none of the chicks or cubs die
- Matryoshka sharks
- Coffee bananas
- A man carrying a coffee and a banana gets mistaken for Kofi Anan, Secretary of the UN, hilarity ensues
- A planet of cat people who live by the rules of disco.
- Also in the same solar system, a planet of glam rock dogs
- Combination toothpaste and foot cream
- Computer mouse shaped like a human hand so you have to give the computer a handshake to start it up.
- Trackpad with a screen in it that shows pictures of fish and your finger makes ripples in the water
- Replace trackpad with a chocolate slab, for a prank
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- Nice-Air the nicer airline
- Lizard wizard
- Advent-ture calendar, each day tells part of a story instead of just being random snowmen
- Advent Calendar, ties in with an app, each day unlocks a new level of a game.
- GPS app game, each closed loop you complete reveals part of a picture and gets you more points. Running a round a block of streets get you some points, running around a large park or several blocks gets you more points.
- It’s not a picture that it reveals, but part of a level of a game. If it was something like each area revealed creates a small island in the game with different resources for surviving and monsters and that. This way you can start playing with only a very small area revealed.
- Link email address with a credit/debit card so you automatically get emailled a receipt
- Receipts should default to having VAT details on them
- What points. If you ever find yourself in a situation, and you don’t know what’s going on, you say “What?” you get a what point. If you say “What the ….” then you get three what points. If you accumulate eight what points in a day then a sign lights up and people are made aware that you don’t know what’s going on, so somebody comes along and takes you out of that situation and sits you down until someone can explain the situation to your satisfaction or remove you from the situation entirely. If three or more people need explained to about the same situation in one week then the situation is discontinued entirely.
- Jason VS Terminator: Set in the 1980s when Miles Dyson is a precocious teenager, he takes a trip to crystal lake and skynet has to send a terminator back in time to save it’s creator from Jason Voorhees
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- Yoga socks, allow you to grip on any floor without the need for a mat
- Musical welcome mat, plays different sounds derived from the movements of people wiping their feet
- App that plays your theme tune when you arrive home. Maybe something could be hacked together that’s triggered when you connect to your home wifi
- Dinosaur news website. Just news about dinosaurs
- Skit-skat. Giant kit-kat with fingers that can be used as skis
- Apples delivered direct to your face by high-powered air cannon (with parachute)
- Plugin that can you can train to recognise all your verbal tics, like uhmm, y’know, like and then it can automatically remove all of them from a recording.
- AWS to have an option to see all of your stuff in all regions.
- Or just include a “delete everything” button
- We’ve seen AI write poetry, movie scripts, generate artificial people, paint abstract paintings and portraits, but what about music? Specifically can we train an AI to be funky?
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- Ketchup and mustard in the same bottle, call it Kustard
- Or Metup
- Toffee – Half coffee, half tea, all caffeine
- Independent scientific research into the least annoying thing to listen to while on hold, then make that law
- The lion, the witch and the wardrobe, but instead of posh kids, they’re from a council estate and it’s not a wardrobe, it’s a skip.
- A unicorn with two horns, a bicorn
- A rhino that wants to be a unicorn and dresses up with a long white wig.
- A hood that isn’t attached and can be worn with any coat.
- A frilled lizard that has a mirrored frill and can redirect sunlight to stun prey
- An app that downloads all the CCTV footage that you appeared on that day.
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- What were the first insect ancestors to come out of the sea?
- Automatic sand snow shoes. You press a button and they switch between regular and snow shoes
- Gringo starr
- Trail running with trekking poles
- Why does Sponge Bob live in a pineapple?
- Deep fried victoria sponge
- Robot bananas
- Electric goblins
- Big net to catch leaves as they fall off trees
- Skatebook. A book that folds out into a skateboard