1. All members of the cabinet to live in a council flat for the duration of their service. 4 to a flat.
2. Pinter: Platonic dating app for finding new friends as an adult
3. Something that takes care of pooping while you sleep
4. The “brig o’doom” Jail that you spend 10 years in, but when you come out 100 years has passed
5. Tar-Tan a kind of living tar, it spreads out in a grid and when the lines join up, the bits in the middle become red. Also, acidic
6. Glasses that make it look like you’ve got on really nice eye makeup, eye shadow, mascara and that
7. Jackets for dogs, not just hoodies and raincoats but specifically little leather jackets for tough dogs. Biker jackets for rottweilers
8. A mask to make a cat look like a dog
9. Hawk with a mohawk. (Can you pluck a bird without harming it? do feathers grow back?)
10. Raveshave. Similar to those toothbrushes that play music, an electric razor that plays techno while you shave.

1. Gmail to have a “sort by sender” option so you can easily delete lots of email
2. Get a slurry tanker (a clean one), fill it full of water, dump in a few packets of nambarries, drive it into a bonfire. TEA.
3. Clangboots. Shoes with hollow metal soles that have metal plates in them, so that you clang everywhere you walk, like a cyberman.
4. Semolina rayguns.
5. Driveby tapioca
6. Gin ice lollies. Narrow so you can just dunk them in a glass of lemonade
7. In /dev/null we trust
8. if you don’t vote, your vote goes to the NULL party. If no party manages to get more than 34% of the vote, do the election again
9. Archaeologists open an ancient roman tomb and inside find the inscription “What’s new pussycat? woah oh oh oh”
10. Every member of the royal family has to do community service and live in a council flat one month a year

1. An extradimensional explosion causes half a city or country to be switched with the same place but from a paralell dimension. How does the world react to being forced together with these strangers and losing people they know?
2. The world leaders are attending the G20 summit in berlin when a large part of germany suddenly switches with full on 21st century nazi germany
3. Bulb-head: Action figure with no head, just a bulb socket for a neck. You can draw a face on, comes with spring loaded action so the figures can headbutt each other.
4. Gameshow like catchphrase except an additional team member has to complete various trials to get various pieces of the picture, like a herd of pigs each with a giant jigsaw piece on their back and they have to wrestle a pig, or wade through a swamp
5. Goats of destiny
6. What if we closed twitter for a day? Would anyone really be upset?
7. Or 50/50 twitter day. If you tweet, there’s a 50% chance the tweet won’t go anywhere and you’ll be blocked for an hour.
8. Can you make a rollable dice out of jelly?
9. Or cheese? How many rolls before it disintegrates. See who can make a dice and roll 100 first.
10. Gameshow where a member of the public is paired with a celebrity and they have to make bread the same colour as the celebrities skin. Bonus round features oompa loompas

1. Game show – What? Not cheese! Contestants have to guess if it’s cheese or not. Things are presented to them in various ways, like things they have to eat or smell, weigh, possibly just look at a grated pile of something or drive a small car with wheels made of alleged cheese. For the lightning round they have to avoid objects thrown at their head and guess if those objects were cheese
2. One of those aquarium wallpaper videos, but with dinosaurs
3. Mythbusters showed that it is possible to make a cannon out of a log, what about cheese?
4. Car windshields and headlamps to be polarised, so the majority of the glare is filtered out
5. New batman movie with the joker, riddler, penguin and catwoman, except they’re all played by Arnold Schwarznegger
6. Who’s that smell? Gameshow where you have to identify celebrities purely by smell
7. Youtube to add a button that removes all watched videos from your “watch later” list
8. Cat nav. A cat that sits on your dashboard and miaows when you missed your turn
9. Infinite risk. Risk type board game, but for every battle you don’t just roll 3 dice, you deploy whole armies on a tabletop warhammer style, complete with fortifications and siege weapons, but instead of resolving combat on a per-unit basis, you use DnD style combat for each individual.
10. Crabula. He’s dracula, but a crab

1. Supercut of people running in films, like Joker running down those stairs, cut, it’s Renton from Trainspotting, he runs into car, cut, it’s anyone from one of those millions of films where someone runs into the road, gets hit by a car and runs away. (Mr Pink maybe?)
2. Terminator: Dark Fate should have had Carl talking about curtains for ten solid minutes as the credits rolled.
3. In order to get more people to attend mass, while communion is being given out, people who choose not to partake can watch the breakdancing display. Those marble floors would make for some really good spins.
4. Prison food restaurant. Looks like a prison cafeteria, food is served on plastic trays, staff are all former prisoners or on day release, possibly help get them back into proper work. For extra, you can get the full VIP experience which includes a cavity search.
5. You can 3d print vinyl records, but they’re relatively low-resolution, so the sound quality is poor, but could you scale it up? What if you printed a record at 4x scale? so it’d be 4 feet across, with a giant stylus. It would have to spin at least 4x faster. What kind of motor would spin a metre wide disc at 180 RPM and would you want to be anywhere near it?
6. Remaking movies is hugely popular, why not bands? Get 4 scousers to re-record all the beatles songs, but now in 3D and one of them is a girl!
7. Find the people responsible for putting on christmas adverts before halloween and make them eat all those brexit 50ps
8. National Alpaca Service. Charitable foundation to bring an alpaca round to your house and just hang out for a while. Everyone to get at least one visit a year.
9. Every year a committee gets together and picks a nickname for each leading politician, based on their greatest achievement or biggest whopper and all the media have to use that nickname until they retire or they get a new one next year. For example Tony “WMD” Blair or Boris “Dead in a ditch” Johnson or Jacob “lied to the queen” Reese-mogg or Boris “31st October” Johnson or Donald “Where the fuck do you even start?” Trump. I tried to think of a positive one, I really did.
10. Nestle to be broken up into two separate companies, the evil part and the part that makes chunky kit-kats

1. Audible widget to include a “skip forward 30 seconds” button for when the author starts reading out every single item in a list or table.
2. A specially bred type of gerbil. When you come home and take your boots off, the pair of gerbils will nest in your boots so they’re nice and warm in the morning
3. Sausages that are still good to eat with a bit of ice on them
4. Do away with people declaring their pronouns and use title to determine what to use
   • ~ Unmarried Married Married but keeping your name
   • Male Miter (Mt) Mister (Mr) Mider (Md) He/Him
   • Female Miss (Ms) Misses (Mrs) Mizz (Mz) She/Her
   • Neutral Mib (Mb) Mibber (Mbr) Milb (Ml) Thee/Hem
   • Alt Misc (Mc) Misces (Mcs) Mix (Mx) Ye/Yir
   • Doctor Doc (Dc) Doctor (Dr) Doxter (Dxr) De/Dem
   • Professor Prof (Pf) Professor (Pr) Prozzer (Proz) Pe/Pir
   • Gender neutral Sir/Dame Sem (Sm) Same (Sam) Zame Se/Sam
   • Gender neutral lord/lady Lad (Ld) Lardy (Lard) Lordy (Lor) Le/Lim
5. Hat with kazoos built in so you can tell which way the wind is blowing just by listening
6. Steering wheels to be added to the upper deck of busses, at the front
7. Start a hotel chain called “TRUE Hotels” then talk to all the people who have licensed the trump hotel franchise and want to distance themselves from the orange wazzock. They just have to rotate the M 90 degrees and then take the P.
8. A chinese man and an english man meet, the chinese man says something and a single chinese character appears in a speech bubble before him. The english man says something and his words appear in a speech bubble before him. This continues, with the chinese mans words moving vertically as is the style with chinese writing, the english mans words spew out horizontally, filling a speech bubble which gets bigger and bigger, threatening to engulf the pair. The chinese man grabs onto his words and climbs up them like a rope to safety.
9. Netflix to have a streaming channel, randomly streaming their shows. For people who can’t make up their mind what to watch. You’d not choose to watch the second half of Robocop2, but you might watch it if it happened to be on right now.
10. Strictly cake off. Contestants have to bake cakes while dancing and are judged on both.

1. Amazon should have an option to filter out stuff that doesn’t deliver to your location
2. Amazon should also not show sponsored ads for things that are specifically not the thing you are searching for.
3. Youtube should have an option to report or block specific adverts (no, playing about with your ad personalisation settings in the hope of maybe blocking a particular ad does not cut it)
4. Duck truck. A truck that looks like a rubber duck. Preferably an amphibious one
5. The gods were real but they were all killed by the end of the 18th century, that was one of the motivations behind rampant colonialism
6. During his trip to egypt, Napoleon was replaced by a god, that’s why the napoleonic wars were such a big deal
7. Bot that prints tweets on eggs and then launches them out of an air cannon
8. Bot that prints tweets on tiny strips of paper and then uses a drone to shower them on commuters like opinionated confetti
9. A years compulsory community service before you have the right to vote.
10. 3 days gap between the end of election campaigning and election day, during that time all facts are checked and the lies of each candidate are posted in the polling stations with the number of lies printed beside their names on the ballot sheet

1. An actor so image conscious that they have a trio of drones follow them at all times, these drones make sure they’re properly lit, use projection mapping to project a slightly different image on their face and also dazzle any cameras that might be taking a picture from an unflattering angle
2. microtoast – The latest hipster food craze, meals so small that they’re served in cassette cases
3. Heat-sikhing missles – When they explode near you, you sprout a turban and start following the 5 principles of sikhism
4. Fleatrap app – gets your phone to shine a light and intermittently vibrate to attract fleas to a glue trap. Could also run cpu hot to generate heat to help attract them
5. Batbeans – Beans for bats
6. An unemployed Boris Johnson, Gove and Rees-mogg form an Irish punk tribute band called “The Prorogues”
7. A monastery where all the monks are actually goats
8. Break into parliament, cover the benches and floor with hay, bring in a load of goats, leave them to it.
9. Speaker of the house of commons given a large supply of blackboard erasers and permission to throw them at MPs that shout over whoever is speaking.
10. A sombrero that’s sturdy enough to act as a small coracle, a folding oar is stored in the point

1. Bumpy screen protector for phone. When you press a button, it generates a piezo electric charge that acts as if pressing the touch screen below. This is so you still have some touch screen functionality when the screen is wet
2. Desks with whiteboard surfaces
3. Yellow umbrella, the shade part is made up of yellow and transparent panels, so when it’s opened it looks like a banana peel
4. Daft Punk – One more time, Ann Lee – Two times, Lionel Richie – Once, twice, three times a lady. What’s next in the sequence? How far does it go?
5. Cleaning spray that glows for a while so you can see where has been cleaned
6. Essential oil alarm clock, wakes you up with a smell
7. Link audiobook reader (phone, echo, etc) to smart watch to detect when you’ve fallen asleep and stop playing the book
8. Laser lambs
9. Mutton Hut, Like pizza hut, but only mutton
10. A man goes to drink a mug of tea, but the mug grows teeth and eats his face.

1. Cars that turn into water when they crash
2. Appears to be a loaf of crusty bread, but when someone slices into it, it’s just a hollow crust full of honey
3. Flat panel doors with prints of old victorian doors, so you get all the nice noodly wood, without any of the dust gathering
4. Supercut of Mary Poppins being exasperated
5. Method of adopting abandoned podcasts
6. Custard cream/bourbon hybrid
7. Movie about the president of the USA secretly competing in e-sports tournaments, but his dreams are foiled when a qualifying event requires him to turn up in person.
8. Competition in which competitors throw frozen lemons and limes at each others head. Winner has to make a cocktail out of the fruit on his side, chug it and then compete in the next round.
9. Digger wars. Like robot wars, but with remote controlled diggers
10. Massive art installation, plant fans or use a fleet of small pre-programmed remote control cars or drones, maybe with sprinklers. When activated, the fleet will rush over the desert, forming a giant picture that will get swept away by the wind