• Ideas – March 23rd 2018

  1. Batman toy that transforms into the batmobile
  2. Readymade meals that come in containers so they can easily be divided into half portions for lunch
  3. Review system for other peoples kids so the parents can know if their children are being awful. Only visible to the parents so it doesn’t hurt their future job and/or relationship prospects
  4. Bake a small cake, fill it with jam of cream, ice it, then wrap it in dough and bake it inside another large cake, ice that also.
  5. Scrambled eggs with oats
  6. Democracy of hate
  7. A way to opt out of adverts for a product when you’ve already bought it or it has zero relevance to you
  8. Dictator dogs
  9. Shark VS Octopus, in a gladiatorial arena, a dry, sandy gladiatorial arena under the hot sun.
  10. As above but with sharks and octopii that have been hybridised with wolves and bears and are quite happy on land.

• Ideas – February 6th 2018

  1. Abolish that extra R in the middle of February
  2. And the change Wednesday to Wedensday
  3. Word for the manouvere of lifting something out of a holder and giving it a slight throw and catching it in the same hand like you’re Errol Flyn pulling a sword out of a rack before you fight the Sherrif of Nottingham, but you’re actually just lifting a ladle out of the jar beside the cooker.
  4. 20 litre jumbo barrack buster of White Lightning for those special occasions.
  5. Epic mushroom fighters. Like pokemon, but you get little packets of spores. Plant them and watch them grow, each mushroom is it’s own character.
  6. Video calling app that detects when you makes this face (yಠ,ಠ)y and cuts off the video so the person you’re on with doesn’t see you call them a fucking idiot.
  7. Tea tablets. The power of tea, in tablet form.
  8. An actual explanation for what the fuck pez is about other than an overly complicated ineffective delivery mechanism for sub-par sweets.
  9. Gremlemons. Part Gremlin, Part Lemon, All Sour.
  10. A tree that grows into the shape of a boat and sails off on its own

• Ideas – February 3rd 2018

  1. The year 2300, world war 6 is into it’s fourth decade, household pets are being drafted.
  2. Booby chess. Chess meets buckaroo
  3. The real reason Queen Elizabeth never married was because she was a papier mache automaton controlled from inside by a really smart ferret.
  4. Cumberland sausage cumberbunds
  5. Alien whose head is just a giant eye, disguises himself as a human by wearing a fake nose/moustache/glasses combo. Has to tape the glasses on due to lack of ears.
  6. How many wotsits does it take to stop a bullet?
  7. A small device placed on the back of a crab that can be remotely controlled to tap the crabs left side or right side, thus steering the crab.
  8. The island that tried to make waves illegal.
  9. Jesus Crisps, sanctified potato based snacks.
  10. A notebook where the edges of the pages change colour once the page has been written on, thus clearly indicating how much of the book has been used.

• Ideas – February 1st 2018

  1. Banana flavoured jam
  2. Give yourself an extra inch of legroom on flights by throwing all the magazines in the overhead bin or down the side of the seat
  3. Carry on spying. Sid James plays a window cleaner who filched a crafty sausage roll while cleaning the windows at the Russian embassy, not realising that it was actually a disguised parcel of state secrets. It gets lodged in his colon and he goes to hospital. Kenneth Williams plays the Russian spy who has masquerade as a doctor to retrieve the secrets before the American spy played by Barbara Windsor
  4. Tunnocks tea cake cake. Fill a cake tin full of tunnocks, stacked at least 3 deep. Put in a low oven for a few minutes so it melts ever so slightly. Transfer straight to fridge. Maybe pour in custard to fill the gaps?
  5. Seeing eye elephants for the blind
  6. Boxing matches to be held on the back of running elephants
  7. A word to describe the embarassment felt when you leave your hotel room in a mess and accidentally put up the “please clean my room” sign instead of “do not disturb”
  8. App that measures your heart rate and blood pressure and at a certain point, deploys pictures of kittens
  9. Combat brush
  10. Chair optimised for easily switching from a working (typing, writing etc) position to a napping position

• Ideas – January 26th 2018

  1. Meditation apps to have a feature that blocks notifications during meditation, particularly reminders from the app to start meditating
  2. Elefart
  3. New coffee called an expresso, like an espresso, but it gets shot at you out of a cannon and you have to catch it
  4. Spoon on a string that you can use and re-use to fish teabags out your tea
  5. Fishtacles
  6. “Bottled sunshine” A jar containing a set of LEDs that perfectly mimic the sunlight at particular locations, like “sunset, venice beach”, “dawn, easter island”
  7. Cowboy movie, only it’s actual cows dressed up as cowboys, riding horses and that.
  8. N.W.A. Narwhals With Attitude
  9. “Fuck the police” badly re-dubbed to change the lyrics to “respect the police” and “cooperate with the police”
  10. Little tiny plastic surfers with little tiny weights attached to string. To be dropped into champagne (preferably in a coupe) or other fizzy drink, so the bubbles make them bob about. Sure to make any occasion classier.

• Ideas – January 24th 2018

  1. App that tells you when your trousers are too tight for public decency
  2. He-Man transformers (I’m astonished that this hasn’t been done, there are star wars, streetfighter, TMNT and postman bloody pat transformers, but no he-man transformers apart from one that claims to be a skeletor transformer but it’s just some bloke stuck a skull face on an existing transformer that looks nothing like skeletor)
  3. Mars bar kitkats
  4. A way to freeze satsumas so that they can still easily break into segments
  5. Help teach your child manners, siri, alexa etc won’t respond unless you say please and thank you
  6. Games console that transforms into a robot and is still a working console. I reckon you could easily do this with a SNES or megadrive given todays tiny emulators.
  7. The Fresh Prince of 15th century Denmark
  8. Strawberry flavoured brocolli, Strawcolli
  9. Comedy cartoon about a very clumsy lion, it’s called “Oh, Lion..” he wears a blue vest
  10. New fashion bodymod: Batwing ears

• Ideas – January 19th 2018

  1. the one minute workout, for people that ain’t got time for nuthin’
  2. Tattoos that make you stronger
  3. Tattoos on your biceps. The tattooist stretches your skin when doing the tattoo, so it just looks like a blob normally and you don’t get to see the actual picture or message until you workout enough to get big biceps
  4. Bullseye themed alt rock tribute band, Super smashing great pumpkins
  5. Trumpet mute with a small snare drum on the end. Drumpet
  6. Transformer that turns into a ship, no! Popeye as a transformer
  7. Raging bull shot for shot remake with an actual bull
  8. Dress bus drivers up as superheroes and supervillains (new ones, obviously) and whenever one passes another, that triggers a “fight” in the bus company app that kids can play with
  9. Or better yet, you have to collect them like pokemon. Will encourage bus travel
  10. Or if the bus drivers themselves don’t want to dress up, then paint each bus differently

• Ideas – January 17th 2018

  1. Figure out how to generate electricity from rain
  2. Rural mural
  3. Make kale tasty
  4. Stabilisers for adult bikes, for when you have to cycle in the snow
  5. Route mapping app that takes into account the current wind direction
  6. Goat coats, with horns on the hood
  7. Due to a loophole in the constitution and a disputed election result, the united states are forced to nominate a goat as president, hilarity ensues.
  8. Pedestrians to be fitted with indicators
  9. Next star wars movie to have three alternate endings. Alternate endings only show up at 1 in 100 showings. Don’t tell anyone which one is canon.
  10. in Episode IX, the part of Princess Leia will be played by Jar Jar Binks in a dress

• Ideas – January 8th 2018

  1. Why is blue ink standard?
  2. Filofox
  3. Fox machine
  4. Donkey detective
  5. Fitbit that measures blood alcohol level and warns you when you’ve had enough
  6. Trifle inside a cake
  7. Something that can look at your aws config and create a diagram of what goes where
  8. Or something that can do the same by looking at terraform config
  9. Attachment to earth dell laptops
  10. Overweight, out of shape transformer, Sub-Optimal Prime

• Ideas – December 13th 2017

  1. People that list an ebay item as costing “99p – £24” and when you actually look at it, the 99p option is just a keyring and the actual item is £24, those people should be shot
  2. Ebay to list items in order of maximum price to circumvent the above.
  3. Do dolphins get thirsty?
  4. Why is is Stan, Kyle, Kenny but Cartman?
  5. Why is it The Enterprise and The Defiant, but not The Voyager?
  6. Small hose coming off the side of your main vacuum cleaner hose, so you can use this to hoover up larger items like a ball of paper without decoupling the main nozzle
  7. Another edit of the star wars movies that keeps in the changes that are actually good (bespin, rancor pit) but cuts out the shite (jabba in new hope, han shooting first) and most of jar-jar
  8. Jam hat
  9. Light alarm clock app that connects to a webcam somewhere to relay live pictures of the actual sunrise.
  10. App that can listen to the background noise and tell you if wham or mariah carey is playing so you don’t accidentally take off your headphones while awful christmas music is playing.